He loves me.
He said he loved me.
There's a part of me that wonders if he only said it to finally get me to do him. but...
When he said it, I knew he meant it. there was no way he was lying. He was just too sincere. The way he looked at me...I felt it. I really felt it.
I think I'm ready.
I'm sure I'm ready.
I really need to go shopping. I'll buy a nice dress; a cheap one. I'll do my hair just the way he likes it. oh, and i'll wear that peach blossom perfume. It smells sexy.
He picked me up around seven. he was wearing one of those vertical striped shirts with a pair of decent jeans. Even though the shirt was wrinkled, he looked nice. Nicer than usual anyway. His car smelled like tacos.
The music was that dumb screamy shit he always listens to. I don't love it, but i deal with it because I love him. He looked over to me now and then, and stuttered 'thank you' each time. I smiled back of course. It's just...that little voice inside of my head that said it was all just to do me is now incredibly loud.
we got to the meadow around seven thirty. I brought the blanket, he brought the condoms. We placed the blanket on the ground, then we layed on it. i wanted to talk, but he just shoved his tongue in my mouth.
He was rubbing my breasts, and he was trying to undo my dress. I was fidgeting a bit to try and slow him down. I mean, has he never heard of foreplay.
finally, i caved in and he got me down to my bra and panties. He stripped down to his boxers. Even in the darkness i could see he was hard. it kept poking through that unnecessary hole in his boxers. He began to undo my bra. Well, attempted to. I ened up doing it myself. He 'motor-boated' me for, like, 2 minutes, and then he stuck his hands in my panties. His fingers were cold and clammy, so it was really unpleasent when he put them in me. He jammed two of them in. It stung. It wasn't bad, but I wasn't loving it.
He asked me to touch it. I did.
he asked me to put it in my mouth. I said not tonight.
He pulled his fingers out and pulled the rubber out of one of his pants pockets. I took off my panties and he took off his boxers. i laughed a bit as i watched him put on the condom. He flubbed with it for a bit, then he asked if he could just pull out. I paid attention in sex ed. I know you can still get pregnant that way. After messing with the thing for a while he finally got it on.
He looked at me and asked me if i was ready. I nodded. I wasn't really wet. he started to put it in. It hurt so bad! He was gentle at first, but all I wanted to do was punch him in the face. The more he put it in the more it hurt. He tried kissing me on the neck to distract me...I guess I wasn't good at hiding the fact that i was in pain. When he pulled out for the first time everything was cool for a few moments...until he shoved it back in. It was the same boring pain for, like, 5 minutes. Then he slumped on top of me, and then he rolled off. He took off his condom and threw it in the woods.
He asked how it was.
I said 'Wonderful.'
I was lying.